ADVENTURES IN SHOPPING

by Maureen Renard

This is the ongoing story of two women.  Suzanne and Violet.  Friends for a long time,  they are now in their forties and life has given them some time to do as they wish.  And they wish to shop.  We listen in on their conversation begun one Saturday morning just between the beds being made and the dishes getting done.  Suzanne's phone rings,

Suzanne: Hey Vi, I was just thinking about you.  
Violet:  I hate Caller ID, I can't sneak up on anyone any more.  
Suzanne:  Tough.  So, want to go shopping today?
Violet:  Duh, do I want to go shopping, of course.
Suzanne:  Ok, what time and who's going to drive?
Violet:  10 and I will.  I'll be out front at a quarter to and don't make me wait, you know how I get when I'm headed for the mall.
Suzanne:  Right, and don't forget to wear your Rockports, I don't want to deal with the limp and wounded from too many blisters like last time.
Violet:  Hey, I only had two and those slides did go with my outfit PERFECTLY……
I'm not saying anything, just wear sensible shoes or else.  
Suzanne:  Yes, mommy.
Violet:  Don't start, I'll see you in a bit.
Suzanne:  Ok, bye.

The girls arrive at the mega-mall near their homes and embark on a day of wandering, gathering, and securing just what they did and didn't intentionally set out to buy.  

Suzanne:  So, where do you want to start?  
Violet:  Well, I need to find something for Bob's brother's wife Anne for her birthday.  We're all meeting for dinner at his folks this Saturday to celebrate her "day" and I don't want to be outdone when she opens her gifts.  
Suzanne:  You don't even like the woman.
Violet:  Yeah, so what's that got to do with anything.  
Suzanne:  Why don't you just get her a big box of See's and leave it at that?
Violet:  Oh sure, and let the little darling fuss all over my disregard at her latest diet and it's failure?  No chance.  I need something tasteful, appropriate, and above all, something that won't lead to anything but a quick "thank-you" and her move to the next giver and leaving me be.
Suzanne:  Oh, that's a great attitude.  I hate perfunctory gift giving.  
Violet:  Per…….what?
Suzanne:  Perfunctory.  You know.  Something that you OWE someone out of obligation not because you want to do something nice for them.
Violet:  Oh.  I just love when you throw in one of your 75 cent words.  Makes me feel all superior and brainy like you.
Suzanne:  So I'm a word person, so kill me.
Violet:  I'd like to when you drop words on me I don't know.  
Suzanne:  Ok, ok, I'll stop.  So where do you want to look first.  
Violet:  Hey, that's Williams-Sonoma, there has to be something she'll like in there,  let's try it.   
Violet:  Oh look at those placemats and napkins.  She has those exact colors in her dining room chairs and …….no, I'm thinking of Pam's house.  Anne has peach and green seats, blast, I hate when I do that.    
 

Part 2

The girls have spent a  half -hour in Williams Sonoma and Violet has decided on just the right gift for her sister-in-law, Anne.  

Violet: Hey Suzz, look over here.
Suzanne:  Just a sec, I need to check out  these dishes.  I'm so sick of mine.  The kids have used them once too often as frisbees on the way to the dishwasher and they look like it.  I think there was a warning in Time not too long ago about eating on cracked pottery.  Or was that the warning about lead in the glasses?  Oh well, I just want new dishes no matter what.
What did you find?
Violet:  Look at these wine glasses?  They're gorgeous.  They'll hold a lot and I think she said she was down to her last three that matched.  What do you think?
Suzanne:  I love them.  I don't know why they make the little four ounce ones.  Then you have to keep getting up all the time to refill them.  This way, it's once around and your guests and you are set for at least a half hour.  Or,  if you happen to have Uncle Bud over,  it's good for say, five minutes.  But then he's a whole different kind of drinker.  
Violet:  Oh, look,  they're on sale too.  Man am I good or what?  
Suzanne:  You, young lady are VERY good.  
Violet:  Let's hit Hallmark and get a card and a gift bag and I'm set.  
Suzanne:   That's a deal.  I'm getting hungry, wanna get something to eat?  
Violet:  It's only 11 and I want to check out the shoes at Nordstrom.  
Suzanne:  Vi, just because you never eat, doesn't mean I don't need to.  Come on, let's stop at that little Italian place.  They have killer salads and I feel my riboflavin waning.  
Violet:  Would you stop?  Your riboflavin?  Where do you come up with that stuff?  Mars?
Suzanne:  Yeah.  Just got back.  Say yes, you know you want to stop.  You've been a good girl.  Now let's take a break and EAT SOMETHING!!!!!! NOW.  
Violet:  Ok, ok,  you are such a nag when you're hungry.  Do you think they have melba toast?  
Suzanne:  Melba toast?  Who eats that?  Goats.  That's it.  Goats eat melba toast.  It's dehydrated flour.
Violet:  Flour's already dehydrated.  Ok, it's not.  Let's just go.  

Vi and Suzanne order their respective lunches and move on to other topics.  

Suzanne:  Hey how's Donna doing? Have you talked to her lately?  
Violet:  Yeah, I have.  I called her yesterday afternoon and we must have talked for over an hour.  She's going nuts.  She hasn't been to sleep since they brought the baby home from the hospital.  I haven't gone over to see them yet.  Wanted to let them get used to the whole routine.  She's such a great new Mom, though.  She can't stop cooing over that baby.  She's smitten and even though she is sleep deprived and everything, she's just in love.  It's so neat.  After lunch we have to go over to thebabyoutlet and shop shop shop.  OK?  
Suzanne:  You don't have to ask me twice about baby shopping.  I luuuuuuv it!
 

Part 3

Suzanne: Oh my gosh, I just remembered that I need to buy four sets of
sheets, right now.
Violet: Wait a minute, you HAVE TO buy sheets right now. Just like
that? What, did someone break-in last night and wipe out your entire
collection of Mickey Mouse sheets?
Suzanne: Very funny. Well, you're not too far off. Stephen and Louis
were playing around last weekend and decided to make costumes for
Halloween.
Violet: Oh don't tell me,
Suzanne: I am telling you, they got a hold of my scissors, stapler
and away they went cutting up each sheet and pillow case in the closet. 
Violet: How could they manage that?
Suzanne: With a little help from their 8 yr. old sister and her friend
Alisha. They did some pretty creative things, Made a tent for the Ali
Baba kid and a parachute for the GI Joe guy. I was tired of them
anyway, but for the sake of control and discipline, they're grounded
until Summer.
Violet: How do you ground a four, six and eight yr old?
Suzanne: It's called unplugging the TV. Which takes out the GameCube
and Nintendo. There are some pretty long faces in my house right now.
But then again, it's been kind of nice with only the CD player to give us
background noise. Jim's been great about it. He's 100% behind me and
that's super.
Violet. Well, Eddie Bauer Home is right down the next corner of the
mall, let's hit them and then go look at Linenplace.

The girls roam a bit in Eddie Bauer Home Store for a while and Suzanne finds several distractions.

Suzanne: Vi, get over here and look at these down comforters and
pillows. Jim was complaining the other night about how heavy our
blankets are now that the weather's turned cold. I bet he'd just love
it if I came home with a down comforter and pillows. I bet he'd be one
happy boy with lighter bedding that was warmer too. We've talked about
getting some before, but the price has always stopped us, but LOOK AT
THIS SALE!!!!! What bargains and on their highest quality too. I'm
doing it. Now where's my Visa card. Oh there it is.
Violet: I thought you came in here looking for sheets.
Suzanne: Hey, hold on turbo, I'm just getting started. I'm taking
this over to the check-out counter and then I'm heading for that wall
with all the flannel sheets. The patterns are so wintery with showmen
and snowflakes. It just makes me yearn for a couple of blizzards.
Violet: You are so mental. Who else in the universe would yearn for a
blizzard. Do I need to say the acursed word????? Shovelling?
Suzanne: No you don't any more. We just bought a snowblower and is it
ever ready for the first big snow. We have it all gassed-up and ready
to pounce. Heehaw.
Violet: Would you stop that? They're going to think I'm shopping with
a real nut case.
Suzanne: Yeah, and they'll still take my money when I get through with
these sheets.
Violet: I wasn't thinking of them, goofy. I was thinking of my
shopper status if they threw both of us out for a public disruption.
Suzanne: I go back to my original comment. Where there's a buying
customer, there should be a tolerant sales person. Anyway. I think I
want these showmen sheets, and the ones over here with the soft purply
flowers
Violet: Oh they're gorgeous. I want some too. Is it ok if I buy a
set too? You won't get mad if we both have the same sheets.
Suzanne; Right, I'm going to be mad if we both have the same sheets.
Where do you come up with this stuff? Of course I don't mind. After
all, I am the shopping Diva with such good taste.
Violet: I think all this fluff around here has finally gotten to you.
Let's wrap this up and go get a Starbuck's and some Mrs. Fields Cookies?
Suzanne: Sounds great to me. I just want to go look at that fleece
throw over there.
Violet: I need to sit here and rest.
Suzanne: Ok, I'll be right back.
 

Part 4

Christmas is over. It’s the 26th and Suzanne needs a break from the kids and the buzz of the holiday. She phones her buddy Violet and gets her answering machine

Suzanne: Hey Vi, you there? Well, when you get back from wherever you are, call me. I’m needing a shopping trip real bad and you know you’re the one I’m taking with me. Call me. Bye.

A half an hour passes and Violet calls.
Violet: Hey, pick-up the phone goofball. It’s me, Vi. I just got
Suzanne: Hang on a sec. I just ran in from the garage. The windstorm blew a couple gallons of water in under the door and I was mopping-up. Let me catch my breath.
Violet: You ok?
Suzanne: No. I’m in Christmas withdrawal and I need a break. Jim’s parents left this morning. It was hard letting them go. Jim’s Dad isn’t doing so well. Say a little prayer for him. He goes in for tests Monday. He’s having trouble with his macular degeneration and it’s worrying us that it’s getting worse. He had laser surgery a couple of years ago, but it doesn’t stop its advancement entirely. So pray ok?
Violet: You know I will.
Suzanne: Enough of the icky stuff. You up for a little distraction?
Violet: Does the Pope wear a beenie?
Suzanne: Very funny. Of course he does and it isn’t a beenie. It’s a scull-cap.
Violet: Oh, that’s so much better. A scull-cap? How about a brain hat?
Suzanne: Hey, don’t be disrespecting my friend John Paul.
Violet: Ok, ok.
Suzanne: So where to?
Violet: Well, there’s the BIG MALL. There’s the MINI-MALL, then there’s downtown. Oh, let’s go downtown. It’s so pretty with all the lights and it’s sort of drizzling but that makes it cozier when we find a sweet little place to have lunch. That ok with you?
Suzanne: Sounds like a plan Stan.
Violet: I’ll be at your house in an hour.
Suzanne: An hour. What are you going to do? Give yourself a perm?
Violet: No smart--
Suzanne: Be nice, the kids might be listening.
Violet: I was going to say, smart aleck. Have a little trust, why don’t you?
Suzanne: Sure you were. Anyway. Come on, how about a half-hour. I’m desperate.
Violet: Don’t you want to shop with me smelling nice, or not so nice?
Suzanne: Well, if you put it that way, I guess I’ll have to wait for you. But hurry, ok?
Violet: Forty-five minutes flat, from right now to your door, promise, or I buy lunch.
Suzanne: You’ve got yourself a deal. The clock’s ticking, so get your butt going. See ya.
Violet: Bye. 

The girls arrive downtown and it’s a welcome respite from the hustle of the past few days. Lots of colorful sale signs in the windows have replaced some of the seasonal decorations, but all the trees still have tiny sparkling lights, and there is a sweet mingling of coffee and cinnamon scents in the air.